Assertiveness – It’s Not About Being Bossy

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Welcome Mikaela Ostrander
We are excited to announce an addition to our staff! * Mikaela Ostrander, a current Millikin University student, started her internship with us on April 4th.

LAC EDUCate Booth

2013 Spring EDUCate Conference
On April 9th the Learning Alliances team attended the McLean County Chamber, Spring 2013 EDUCate conference. * More than 100 professionals from across Central Illinois attended the event held at Heartland College in Normal, IL. * We were excited to share the Learning Alliances Company with attendees who stopped by our table and attended the Assertiveness workshop delivered by our own Shirley N. Stelbrink. Below is just a snapshot of the information shared on April 9th.

Assertiveness – It’s Not About Being Bossy
Isn’t it ironic that we have been talking since we were at least 2 years old (well, most of us anyway) and we continue to make severe mistakes in our communication with the words we use, with our tone of voice and with our body language?*  What makes it ok to have miscommunication which interferes with work relationships?*  What makes it ok to have miscommunication with being too direct or not direct enough to assure we get the best result the first time?*  Everyone says, I don’t have time to think about this.*  My response, “We are really saying, I do have time to create a problem.*  I am willing to fix the problem that was created” instead of taking the time to consciously consider before the discussion.

There is a time that being accommodating to others is acceptable and effective.*  When it’s important to someone else and not to you, you don’t have a concern with the results, let others assert their rights and make the decision. * * When we react in an accommodating manner in other scenarios, think about you are denying yourself the rights you give to others.*  It’s emotionally dishonest with the behavior of “I don’t matter.”

There is also a time that being aggressive to others is acceptable and required when safety.*  If a person is starting up a machine, or has a tie that could get stuck in the macho shredder, we need to speak up ” loud and quick to avoid physical harm.*  When aggressiveness is used in other situations, we use inappropriate emotional honest at the expense of others to get “our way”.*  This will work short-term and not long-term.*  You will probably hear comments, “just tell me what you want and I’ll do it” even when you ask for input because others don’t believe you will listen based on past experiences.

Outside of those two scenarios, assertiveness is the language of business and equal rights.*  How we treat each other, inside our workplace, will eventually be acceptable behavior to our external customers.*  Thus, we must use caution in getting too comfortable ” that’s when we make mistakes.

Let’s talk about what assertiveness is and is not.*  Assertiveness is honest and appropriate emotions for self and for others.*  This type of communication demonstrates confidence, respect for all including you.

How do you negatively perceive someone when they interrupt you?*  Neutral perception?*  Positive perception?* *  Sometimes we interrupt because someone talks too slow for us and we want to “get it done.”*  A neutral perception*  could be that you are interrupted by someone because they don’t have time to give you their undivided attention and stop you so you can schedule more productive and effective time for communicating.*  A positive perception could be that they are just as passionate about the subject as you and they interrupt because of their excitement of the subject.*  Isn’t it interesting that the same behavior can be perceived in a number of ways?

If we react to others defensively whether it be attacking (also known as violence) or withdrawing, conflict often increases.*  If we respond assertively, we give others permission to collaborate together.*  Below are a few tips to apply assertive responses adapted from “The Conflict Resolution Network”.


RECEIVE
Listen and say nothing.Give the person a chance to “˜empty their cup’.Respect people’s opinions and feelings.

REFLECT BACK
Reflect both feelings and content.”Help me to understand:give me an example””I understand that:”

“Is what you are saying:”


MOVE
Acknowledge needs and concerns.

Consider the next steps e.g. making “I” statements, taking time out, developing options.

Lastly, the bottom line about assertiveness can be wrapped up*  in remembering these three principles:

1 ” Any right I claim as my own, I extend to others.

2 ” Any right I extend to others, I consciously claim as my own.

3 ” Even though I recognize I have rights, I have a choice to apply or not to apply.

Adapted from The Conflict Resolution Network